Hello, my name is Johnathon Prospes, and today is the best day of my life.
I can’t focus. I can’t collect my thoughts even for a second. I tried getting up today to go for a run, but one thing led to another and before I knew it it was time to go to work. Work has been rather boring lately. The mundane cubicle that I call my own is starting to become my casual tomb. The days have been melting into one another. Hours fly by, days disappear and months turn into years. I never pictured myself this way when I was younger. I had dreams and ambitions. I was untouchable. It always seems to turn out this way though. I can never quite put my finger on when things took a turn for the worse, but my 23 year old boss is all the proof I need to verify my life is a farce.
I’ve been writing a lot lately. Nothing too important, but writing just the same. I come to work, and instead of reports, I’m blogging with people half my age. The freedom the kids have today never ceases to amazing. They are lively and full of energy. They still have their whole lives ahead of them, and at times it makes me jealous. Maybe I’m just reliving my youth through them. Whatever the case is, I’ve had a bit of spring in my step since I started writing and sharing my thoughts with the world.
Today I’m meeting with Melanie. I met her online, I’ve been talking to her for a few weeks and I really feel like she could be the one. I haven’t connected with anyone in such a long time. She and I have so much in common, I really feel like she will be the one to re-complete me. I started talking to Melanie on Yuwie, a new social networking site that helps people connect. She immediately had an interest in my work, and after several chats online we were talking on the phone.
I’d sit at home and talk with her for hours. Her sweet, vibrant voice filled my soul with laughter and love. As the weeks rolled on, we talked more and more about getting together and finally meeting. Well, today is that day.
I’m not by any means the type of person that would ever meet with someone from the internet. It’s almost like everything fell into place, the planets aligned, and I was connected with an angel sent from the heavens above. That’s the only explanation I could give, that’s my story and I’m sticking too it.
After my wife died, I never thought I’d be with another woman. Her death hit me so hard, it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with. I still haven’t come to terms with why she was taken from me so soon. She really was an angel, and she held every part of my heart in her hand like a goddess, continually blessing my soul. I tried so hard to save her, and I times I still blame myself. My therapist told me that in order to let go I have to forgive myself. I know that there was nothing I could have done. I had a gun to my head, the guy was on meth, and I did what I felt I had to do to protect my family. I still hear the shots firing in my head when I go to sleep.
I held her in my arms, I could feel her warm blood draining out all over my body. I saw the life drain from eyes, and I kissed her forehead, praying for the lord not to take her from me. Not now, not ever. I cried, and promised her that I would be with her forever. She would stay with me forever, I would always love her. I could hear the sirens wailing down the road, but knew in my heart that it was too late. She lay there lifeless, I felt pain, then became numb. Numb for years.
I began drinking. It became an epic war that I waged on my body and my mind. I slipped into a battle with alcoholism that wiped out everything I had, and pretty much everybody that I knew. I was kindly given the opportunity to resign my position at the university, that only sent my spiraling further down my exploration in drunken liveliness. I was in a haze for what seemed like an eternity. It almost seems like I woke up one day, a broken man, all feelings erased. I put down the bottle I held so dear, shaved my face, and went out into the world to start anew.
So, things never were the same again. I went through the motions, waiting for the day that I’d catch back up with life. I’d wake up every morning, take a shower, and shave the grief from my face with a Mach 3 razor. I’d get dressed, read the paper over a bowl of cheerios and do the crossword before making my way to work. On the subway I’d sit, blocking out the meaningless chatter of strangers creating small talk to pass the time. I felt isolated and strange, like everybody was looking at me. Maybe they all were looking at me, wondering who I was, why I was there.
I got to work at 7:55 every day. Everyday I’d get my coffee, turn on the power to my computer, and furiously type away at reports and spread sheets. I was good at my job, but never found pleasure in it. It was by rather surprise that I met up with Melanie on the internet. I needed some statistics on social networking for an ad firm we represented. The best way to do this, I felt, was go straight to the source. I signed up for several sites, and within days I was being bombarded with spam, letters from lawyers to pick up my inheritance, and ads of all kinds for male enhancement. Is this what the world had turned into?
One day I noticed a posting about writing, sharing poems and being a part of and artist community. That’s when Melanie made her way into my life. I replied to her and told her that I was interested. Things took off like wild fire from there. It started with me talking to her once I got home. We talked about writing, we talked about life. We were online together for hours into the night. Eventually we started writing back and forth while I was at work. My thoughts were consumed by her. She was actually interested in me, she thought I was brilliant.
So, today is going to be a glorious, wonderful day. After work I’m going down to Bavario’s to meet her for dinner. I feel like I’m in high school again. I feel like I did when I was falling in love with my wife. Never could another woman take her place. It’s just that I haven’t felt whole in such a long time. It’s refreshing to actually want to get up in the morning. I want to look myself in the mirror because I’m excited for her to see my face. I want so much for this to be real. It all seems too good to be true.
I don’t think that it’s possible for time to go any slower. I feel like it’s the last day of school. Sitting restlessly at my desk. Staring out the window imagining the endless adventures that summer will bring. I’m nervous and happy. I have a ball of emotion twined up in my stomach, waiting for that bell to ring.
The clock hit 6 and the bell for me to leave work rang in my head. I meticulously straightened my things and shut down my computer. Coming out of my daze I realized that I didn’t get much done today. I’ll surely be hearing about that tomorrow. Right now, tomorrow doesn’t matter.
I made my way out to the street and started walking towards Bavario’s.
The city was a hustle and bustle of typical Chicago traffic. I weaved my way in and out of the crowd, barely paying attention to where I was going. I played over every scenario in my head. How she’d look, what I’d say. How much we’d laugh, how I’d try not to over do it. I tried to keep myself from over thinking things, but I was nervous, like a teenager on his first date.
When I got to Bavario’s I saw a crowd standing outside. There where people everywhere. Of course it was my luck that the place was packed. Now, this really wasn’t how I imagined things. I immediately started to panic, when I heard her voice.
“John, hey is that you? It’s me, Melanie.”
I turned my head to see her running towards me. Her pure, an
gelic beauty took the wind right out of me. Her vibrant, glowing smile melted my heart. I felt my knees get weak as she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. It felt like home. It felt like I’d held her before, like I’d known her for years. In that moment everything stopped around us. For now it was just us standing there, nothing else mattered.
“Well, it looks like we may need to find somewhere else to eat”, she said with a coy smile.
“Ya, this place is pretty packed. Like a can of sardines.” Did I just say that? Did those words really just come out of my mouth? My face felt like it was on fire as I blushed a boyhood blush. Much to my amazement she laughed a genuine laugh, and looked at me through caring eyes.
“I knew you’d be just like this” she said with a sigh, I’d be happy just to stand here with you.”
“Well, that’s not going to help the rumbly in my tumbly, and I promised you I’d take you somewhere great”, I chuckled. “There’s a great Mexican place a few blocks from here. Care to join me?”
Her voice quivered, and she was content. Content with me, content walking arm in arm with me down the city street. The street lights flickered on, radiating her angelic face. The gently breeze blew her golden hair around, filling the air with smells of fresh flowers misted by spring time rain. I was deep in a trance when I stepped of the sidewalk, out into the street.
She tried to grab my arm, she pulled back with all of her might. To no avail I stepped forward, out into traffic to put stop to this scene. I heard her shrill scream as I was ripped from her grasp. I was shot violently through the air, my body going numb, as I came to the ground with a thud. Sound and sight was blurring into one and I could feel myself slipping away. My lungs were filling with fluid and I gasped for air. I could sense the city block stop to gather around me. The concrete was comforting, I was slipping away.
Melanie looked over me, I could feel her tears on my face. I did what I could to smile at her, and she leaned down to touch my face with her ivory hands. I wanted to say so much to her. I wanted to tell her everything. Tell her the way I felt. I looked deep into her eyes, and saw my wife. I saw her standing there, waiting for me, calling for me. It felt like I was being pulled towards her. After everything that I had been through I was finally going home.
I was on my way. I can’t quite put my finger on when it happened, but I drifted away, away to my wife. My life flashed like a movie before my eyes. I realized then that,
today was the best day of my life.
………………………………………………………..
Big thanks to Janece for the artwork! http://www.noordinarymoment.com/
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